Shiva's Scenes that Should Not Be (2014 Collection)
by Shiva-J
Summary: Ok, now here is where I'm going to put THIS YEARS collection of Scene's that should not be. :D
1. Dead Inside

**Dead Inside**

As a chap named Tom Sloane shook his twenty-something booty while working the stripper pole, his pink thong already filling up with cash, it took everything that he had not to cry.

Just like every single night since the family fortune was wiped out, his mother divorced his father and married another rich bloke, his father then shot himself in the face, and Elsie married his old girlfriends and was living happily in New York in the lap of luxury.

But not him, since without the family fortune he couldn't afford to finish college; much less his new found taste for that sweet cocaine.

One addiction that had ballooned into five different others, and with all of them needing cash Tom had found himself using the only thing that he had left.

"My body." He thought flatly while grinding up on the lap of the old dude who was giving him twenties.

As said gentlemen whispered that there'd be more later, 'If he was willing to do more than just dance.' Tom wondered if this would be the crazy guy that was destined to murder him, or give him AIDS.

"Doesn't matter." Tom thought as the friction got him semi-hard, and even more appealing to the audience, "I'm already dead inside."

And thus Tom Sloane truly became a stripper that night.


	2. Daria's Petition

**Daria's Petition**

"So Daria..."

"Yes Jane?"

"How exactly is that petition you made to get Justin Bieber deported going?"

"It's well over the 100,000 signature threshold, now the White House _has_ to respond."

"...You do realize that they'll probably just say no. Right?"

"Yes. However now that the whiny pop star has become the politician's problem, it's now just a matter of time before _something_ is done about it."

* * *

_At 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue_

From outside the White House the sounds of 'Favorite Girl' could be faintly heard from an open window in the President's daughters room.

Inside the Oval Office however a man by the name of Barack Obama was turning his iPod up to the max so he wouldn't have to hear it.

_"Thank God for Gin and Juice!"_

Obama's gaze then fell on his computer screen, specifically the stupid petition site which had the latest one on the top of the list.

_"Deport Justin Bieber, huh? Well there's no way we could pull that off..."_

Obama's face slowly morphed into something sinister.

_"But I think we could get away with a more... permanent solution."_

From outside the White House, the faint sounds of 'Forever Baby' were drowned out by mad cackling.

* * *

_The Next Day..._

"Well what do you know? That petition wasn't really needed after all."

Daria just shrugged her shoulders while she and Jane read the latest TMZ news report about Justin Bieber.

He was reported dead of a major codeine overdose, at the age of 19.

Other than his teenage fans (who didn't know any better), not a single fuck was given.

**FIN**


	3. Untitled Scene 1-9-14

_"so liek so tartally liek this is liek ma latesst liek fanfic thingie mick -jangle wateve cua we neeed ta gag it wth a sphoon & stufff andd liek whtever..."_

* * *

"And ever since the sixth stroke this is all that Daria can write now." Jane concluded to her wife, Elsie Sloane-Lane as they stared at the husk of a woman on the hospital bed.

The only indication of life in the thing was the fact that her right hand was propped up on a small table, scribbling away on the pad of paper, which periodically needed to be changed or else she'd just write all over the wood.

* * *

_"and than tella and medvart sooo totally luved each oter and junk howevr they wur both salected 2 be in da hungar thames and it wrs liek a maJOR bummur butt they weru winnArs nd the prez of panam was luzer and averytone else waz a whuteverz!_


	4. Advice on Motherhood

**Advice on Motherhood**

"Oh Daria," Kay Sloane laughed while dishing out advice, "Motherhood is a joyless burden, it's best just to hire a Mexican nanny to do the hard work for you."

"So in order to be happy as a parent, hire someone named Maria Consuela. Got it." Daria answered back while in the distance, her boyfriend and now baby-daddy was trying to talk his father into bribing an abortion clinic to help them fix the 'situation' without letting Daria's parents know about it.

Then she heard some dreadful words.

"Son," Angier Sloane replied to something Tom had said, "Let's be honest here. Up until now I thought you were gay and I was waiting for you to come out. And considering your sister's muff-diving I feared that I'd never have a grandchild."

Angier then looked at Daria like she was the Holy Grail.

"I'm not looking this gift horse in the mouth. You two are keeping it."

'I guess Tom's going to have to tap the trust fund so I can get a Maria Consuela on deck then.' Daria snarked internally, and darkly.

She sure as hell wasn't going to tap her Montana Cabin Fund, not with Mr. Moneybags and his stupid 'rhythm method' now on call.

But she did decide to break the news to her parents in the most sensitive manner that she could.

Skype.


	5. The Stalwart

**The Stalwart**

Eighty eight year old Doug Thompson cackled madly as he stood on the side of the highway, his bathrobe flapping in the wind of passing cars.

Which revealed his lack of underpants.

But this disturbing sight was rivaled by the huge sign he was waving as hard as his arthritic hands allowed.

On one side it read; _'Still Teabagging 4 Jesus!'_

On the other was; _'Bristol Palin 2030!_

Despite countless calls from drivers forced to witness this sight, the Lawndale Police Department was slow to respond.

They had really come to hate dealing with the old codger, those titanium dentures of his had a way of finding the weak spots in their armor and the medical bills for stitches were starting to pile up.

It sucked that Third-wave-Obamacare only covered emergency medical expenses, but after the 384th attempt at repeal of Neo-Obamacare...

**fade to the credits and the lalalalaLAlala...**


	6. Tickle Test

**Tickle Test**

Sandi suppressed a grunt of annoyance as the ever-desperate Brooke approached her and the Fashion Club in the hallways of Lawndale High.

"Hey Sandi!" Brooke called out, "Notice anything different?"

Sandi barely managed from rolling her eyes, "Let me guess... Dr. Phillips fixed the last of Shar's damage?"

"Yes!" Brooke said happily, "And now that I'm perfect again, doesn't that mean that I'm in the Fashion Club now?"

Sandi glanced at her fellow Fashion Club members and gave them a very slight nod.

This caused Quinn and Tiffany to smiled wickedly, and Stacy joined them once she remembered what the plan was for this scenario.

"Girls," Sandi drawled to an oblivious Brooke, "I think we should see if Brooke really is Fashion Club material..."

"Oh yes Sandi." Quinn replied, her eyes glowing sadistically.

"Yeeeaaahhh." Tiffany drawled, for once clearly aware of what was going on.

Stacy didn't reply verbally, instead she clutched her clutch very tightly.

"Come with us to the gym," Sandi said to Brooke, "We'll be giving you the 'tickle treatment'."

"Tickle treatment?" Brooke asked even as she followed them like a good sycophant, "What's that?"

_"You'll see..."_

* * *

_An hour later..._

Pavlov, Lawndale High's janitor and Ms. Li's secret lover (she just couldn't resist a Russian accent) found the body of one Brooke Tanner in the gymnasium of Lawndale High.

The coroner's office found that she had been beaten severely with multiple baseball bats, punched and kicked viciously, slashed with what was determined to be nail files, violated in all orifices with a hot curling iron, force-fed a disturbing quantity of diet soda, and the finishing touch was that her face was painted like a clown post-mortem.

However after the coroner received a visit from his old girlfriend, and occasional fuck-buddy Linda Griffin, the death of Brooke Tanner was ruled as 'accidental suicide' as related to her previous body-image issues and depression related to the medications and failed plastic surgeries she had previously endured.

In the minutes of the Fashion Club, the last comment ever given on the subject was written by Stacy Rowe:

_'On February the 14 of our Junior year, fellow Junior Brooke Tanner applied for membership in the FC and was given the Tickle Test. Failed with distinction. NGM (Not Good Material). Result: Application Rejected. Matter is Closed, Permanently.'_


	7. The Best Work of the KPA

**The Best Work of the KPA**

Tom woke up as soon as the cold water hit him full force.

"Wuh-what?" He groaned as he came too and quickly realized that he wasn't in his apartment in New York.

Someone yelled in a foreign language, Tom thought it might have been Mandarin, and then he was struck hard in the stomach with a baton.

In the darkened room there was some rustling, along with the sounds of Tom wheezing in pain, and then a light came on.

Tom's brain then took in a lot of information all at once.

Like how he was trussed up in an elaborate stress position that left him vulnerable to virtually any kind of attack, or that he was in a bland looking room with a small number of foreign military personal, along with of all things his two ex-girlfriends from High School.

"Hello Tom," Jane said sweetly, "Sleep well?"

"What's happening?!" Tom exclaimed, "Why are you doing this?!"

Daria grinned, and then Tom knew he was in _serious shit_.

Jane continued to speak for everyone in the room, "Well what's happened is that your apartment was filled with knockout gas, then you were put into a bodybag and stuffed onto an international flight to a country where Daria and I have been residing since we met the love of our lives."

"Yeah," Daria chimed in, "And when he found out about our little 'teenage drama' with you, well..."

Daria was interrupted by the sounds of boots marching, and she and Jane turned around just in time to see the door to the room open.

The soldiers in the room stiffened and saluted as two more soldiers entered, followed by a short, fleshy faced Asian fellow that Tom recognized after a minute's stare.

It then clicked in his inbred head that the uniforms on the soldiers were of the Korean People's Army.

Or the armed forces of North Korea.

"You... you!" Tom stuttered at Kim Jong-un even as Daria and Jane both went to his sides and he kissed them both passionately.

Kim Jong-un smiled and said something in Korean to one soldier wearing a smock.

The guy in the smock then lifted a tarp off of a nearby table and Tom pissed himself when he saw what had been hidden.

Tom began screaming for mercy even before they started to work on him.

Meanwhile the good soldiers of North Korea had set up comfortable chairs and snacks for the Supreme Leader and his new mistresses, and a good time was had by all.

Except Tom, but he didn't count.


	8. Mad Dog's Blessing

**Mad Dog's Blessing**

"Quinn got knocked up again?" Elsie drawled in her smokers voice as she sculpted her latest sculpture.

"Yup." Daria drawled in her monotone as she contemplated a couple plotbunnies for a story.

"So what'd your parents say?"

Daria laughed, "Come on Elsie, you know my parents."

Elsie snickered, "I was kidding. I know that the reason the elder Morgendorffer's aren't jet setters is because they're too damn lazy to get off the couch."

Daria laughed, "True that, I'm just thankful that Mad Dog had all that money stashed away. Otherwise we'd be in the poor house."

"Any idea where he got it from?" Elsie asked.

Daria winced, "Family secret."

"Oh come on," Elsie replied, "It can't be that bad."

Daria winced again.

* * *

_Jungles of Vietnam, 1970_

Sergeant Nathaniel Winston Morgendorffer smirked at his dead comrades as their blood flowed on the altar.

"Sorry boys," He sneered, "But the legends were clear, many could enter the Temple of the Dying, but only _one_ could leave alive."

His gaze fell on the last one to croak as the magic began to activate, "Sorry Perkins, but you're gal and baby will have to fend for themselves."

Then the weird idol began to glow and Mad Dog readied himself to get the blessing of the Lost Gods.

* * *

_Present_

After getting Elsie to focus on another topic, Daria did her best to forget what her Grandfather had told her had happened in that terrible place.

Much less what it meant for her family.

_"Since my worthless boy couldn't even father a son, after I die you gals will feel compelled to sleep around until you get pregnant with a boy." Mad Dog's voice echoed in her mind._

Daria suppressed a shiver, but she took comfort in the fact that she had been favored enough by the old bastard to be given a reprieve.

Instead Quinn would feel the compulsion two-fold, but so far all she had had were miscarried girls.

"But one of the boys at school will father a boy on her eventually." Daria contemplated darkly, "And when that happens the real blessing will kick in."

The baby would grow up, but wouldn't really be the son of Quinn and whoever wound up being the sperm donor.

It would be Mad Dog reborn, with all his memories intact.

"The money he made from all the gold and jewels in that Temple were just a side benefit." Daria reminded herself even as she played with her Rolex.

But the money had made her father into a worthless playboy who had only married Helen Barksdale because he had knocked her up and her family connections were too strong to risk offending them.

Daria smirked as she scribbled down another idea for her Agent Song series, knowing that whatever else happened that Mad Dog would one day return.

"And he'll have a favorite Auntie to help him." Daria whispered to herself.

"What?" Elsie asked as she put a finishing touch on her project.

"Nothing." Daria replied, continuing to write away.


	9. Untitled Scene 3-9-14

"God, Brittany's latest party sucks." Sandi muttered as she dropped her pants and panties before lifting the lid of the tank of the toilet and squatting over it.

Sandi felt her lips curve into a grin, "I'll let her know how I feel with an upper decker."

Sandi then began grunting and squeezing as she let out a massive sample of her homemade chocolate, fresh from oven, right into the top tank of the toilet.

Once she was done Sandi wiped herself and washed her hands.

After touching up her makeup Sandi smiled and stepped out of the bathroom, ignoring the girls in line for the bathroom.

But she did relish Quinn saying, "Finally!" before heading in.

"Maybe this party isn't so bad after all." Sandi mused as she leaned on a nearby wall so she could hear the fireworks.


	10. Untitled Scene 3-9-14 (II)

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jane said quietly into the camera, "Welcome to the best prank in this entire new thread."

Meanwhile Kevin Thompson was climbing onto Mrs. Stoller's rascal and began miming her shaking.

"Oh look at me!" Kevin yelled in an 'old-lady voice', "I'm old! I don't know...AHHHH!"

The AHHHH came about due to the rascal exploding upwards due to a pressure bomb underneath it, releasing the mass of dildos hidden within it.

As Kevin went up in the air, clinging to the rascal, it looked like a fountain of multi-colored dicks was spewing beneath him.

Kevin's screams grew louder as he came back down to Earth, the rascal breaking his fall.

Not to mention breaking apart in the process.

Kevin has a thousand yard stare for a while after that.


	11. Untitled Tom Death Scene

"Since Mommy and Daddy won't pay for beautiful, perky breasts for their sweet little girl. I'll just have to do it my lonesome-self." Tom 'Tammy' Sloane pouted into his/her mirror in a gorgeous gown with fabulous heels and full makeup.

SHe planted some kiss-kisses on the mirror, leaving his pretty lips on the glass.

Then he/she pulled out a huge oil drum filled with silicone and a massive hypodermic needle from hammerspace and tapped the tank like a keg.

"Ok girl's," Tammy said to whatever, "Let's get cracking."

Once the needle was full, she stabbed her left chest muscle and let it rip.

By the time the body was discovered, three days worth of decay had set in.

However Tammy was still in her drag outfit and had a single, G-cup left breast to make herself even more fabulous.

But her right chest was still flat, and therefore not fabulous.

Even in death poor Tammy couldn't reach the heights of fabulousness needed to be perfectly fabulous.


	12. Is It Kevin's On Time Graduation Yet?

**Is It Kevin's On Time Graduation Yet? **

"Holy shit." Daria said in disbelief as fellow student, Kevin Thompson walked up to the podium to receive his diploma.

"I know." Jane said at her side, then she gave an evil grin, "And you _know_ what this means."

Daria sighed.

"It still seems freaking impossible." Daria complained as Kevin got his diploma, which would be added to the pile of athletic awards he had gotten earlier.

Jane just raised an eyebrow, "Ms. Morgendorffer."

"Fine." Daria grunted as stood up on her chair as Kevin turned around, diploma in hand. "Everyone!" Daria yelled in her loudest monotone, "In honor of Kevin doing something I didn't think possible, graduate high school. I, Daria Morgendorffer hereby call for a mass orgy."

Jane then did the honors of ripping off Daria's graduation robes, revealing her naked body to the world.

"Let's all get in a big pile like hamsters!" Cindy, the backgrounder that technically should have been graduating the next year, called out before pulling Daria into a powerful liplock.

She was quickly joined by her friend Kristen, Jane, Jodie, Mack, Brittany, Mr. DeMartino, Jake, Kevin, Doug Thompson, Helen, Bob the Punk, Andrea, Ms. Li, Andrew Landon, Tom Sloane (for some reason), Quinn, Mr. O'Neill, Ted, Ms. Barch, Robert, the math teacher that we never saw, and a whole host of others in the kissings, and the lickings, and the tonguings, and the thrustings, and the moanings, and the oooohhhh that felt _goooood!_

The Graduation Ceremony for the class of 2001 at Lawndale High ended in several climaxes, all of which were quite delectable and enjoyable for all.

Kevin Thompson even got to discover that he enjoyed playing with the girls and the boys.

And just to screw with canon even further, Tom and Jane ran off and got married and had a baby, only to divorce and Jane taking away a big piece of the Sloane fortune as well.

_Jazz hands!_


End file.
